Graham, Just One Shade Read online

  By the end of the first week I had met a lovely blonde girl from the West Midlands area, and for the rest of the training course we found the energy from somewhere to fuck each other’s brains out, wherever and whenever we could. My only other real achievement was to get my name on one of the big wooden roll of honour boards in the main hall. Not because I had come first or top of anything; I was just good at graffiti.

  My job as a store manager became the main focus in my life and my marriage dwindled along behind it. It was a very unremarkable marriage and most of the time we just didn’t bother with each other. We often went for months and months at a time just not speaking and, in a funny way, these were probably the easiest and happiest times of the marriage, because we didn’t have to pretend to care about each other. There was no expectation at these times. The pressure would only start again when we started talking again. But thankfully, the talking periods never lasted very long. The longest time that we went without talking was 12 months. Incredible but true! Living in the same house and didn’t speak a word to each other. We each did our own cooking, cleaning and ironing, slept in separate rooms, and led our own lives. Well, at least I did. There wasn’t a single year of marriage when I didn’t have an affair with someone; some years two or three girls. But they always knew I was married and the affairs were never going to amount to anything, although I have to say I met some fantastic girls, really nice people. If I had my time over again I can think of some people who I would like things to have turned out differently with. Somehow, amongst our indifference and dislike of each other, our marriage produced two children. My little girl was born in 1985 and my son was born in 1988. I was, and am still, very proud of them. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love them both dearly.

  After three years in the company I was promoted to ‘Area Manager’. I worked longer hours and saw less of my ex-wife. In fact, she had no idea as to when I was working and when I wasn’t. I don’t know whether she even cared. She was spending all the money I earned and more besides, so she was happy.

  I was happy too, and for the next few years the situation was fine. I always had a love interest in my life, which kept me sane and gave me a balance in my life from the ever increasing demands of work.

  The summer of 1990 was going to be a life changing experience for me. Up until then I was just drifting along, hoping that life would get better, wishing that my ex-wife would leave me, or that one of us would die - preferably her. I spent my time working, chasing and entering into hopeless affairs that I was always slightly detached from and, more and more, looking after my kids. But I was about to embark on my first proper love affair. Not just sex, but real feelings and emotion. A compelling attraction, a deep love, and, like all good love stories…real heartbreak.

  It was early March and outside the night was dark and windy. The rain had been lashing down for hours. Living out in a small country village it was very rare to get any unexpected visitors, especially at that time and especially on a night like this. So the initial reaction to the knocking on the front door was just to cause me and the ex-wife to sit there and look at each other from across the living room. The TV that made up our usual threesome just carried on unaffected. The knocking continued.

  “Well, it won’t be for me” my ex announced and turned back towards the television. The front door, wind assisted, banged open as I turned the latch. A young man of 22 years stood there, shoulders hunched up against the driving wind and rain. He was skinny and not too tall. His hair line was receding and what was left was shaved close to his scalp. His head was triangular shaped and large frame glasses dominated his face, which finished in a point somewhere where his chins should have been. If anyone liked ET they would probably find him cute.

  “Hello. My name’s Darren.” He was very chirpy. “I’ve just moved in next door.” I wanted to say ‘So fucking what!’ but I always tried to be a good neighbour and just said “Oh!”

  There was a long awkward silence while he continued getting soaked and I was getting irritated that he was still standing there.

  “I just thought that I should introduce myself to you and say hello.” “Hello” I said, in a ‘why are you bothering me’ tone.

  “Hello” he said chirpily. “This is my wife, Kay.”

  He was standing there quite alone. My frown turned into a scowl. The bloke was obviously a numpty! It was cold and wet, he was bothering me and he thinks he has an invisible wife called Kay. Why did this idiot have to move in next door to me?

  “She’s a bit shy. Sorry.” He took a step to the side and dragged her into view by the sleeve. She was beautiful; classic high cheekbones, big brown eyes, a perfectly formed mouth with sexy full lips and long dark hair that hung in wet tails because of the rain. We made good eye contact and both smiled at each other. “I’m so sorry to bother you on a night like this. It was his idea.” She flicked her head towards ET.

  “No, don’t be silly. Come in out of the rain. I’m delighted to meet you both. Come in, get warm and dry. Come in, come in.” I stood aside and they came in. Everyone was all smiles. There was a lot of handshaking and introductions all round. They followed me into the living room and were introduced to my ex-wife. Kay took her coat off. She had a slim figure. She was wearing a tight, thin pink jumper, a short black mini skirt and black knee-length boots. She looked fantastic. I could see her nipples were erect, even through her bra and delicate pink jumper. I wanted to just say out loud “fucking hell, you are gorgeous!” but didn’t. I made coffee, and the flow of chatter got easier and easier between friends. But I knew and Kay knew that we fancied the pants off each other. We laughed easily with each other and, when I wasn’t looking up her skirt trying to see whether she was wearing stockings or tights, we were looking into each other’s eyes. Well, as much as we could without alerting the other two to our secret attraction.

  She was beautiful, charming, sexy and funny. I had butterflies in my stomach; a feeling I was to get a lot whenever I saw her, or even just at the thought of seeing her.

  The evening passed, phone numbers were exchanged, and we agreed we would all go out for a drink on Saturday night. My ex-wife and I saw them off at the door, just like a real couple. It felt strange to me because we never did anything as a couple. I was happy and excited about the future, but it felt dangerous. I already knew that something was going to happen between me and Kay, but it felt different from what it usually did when I first met someone I was about to embark on an affair with. I really liked her. That was the difference. That’s what made it feel dangerous. Affairs without emotion are easy to handle, because you never really get involved. But I wanted to be involved with Kay. At the door we all said our final “goodbyes” and did a bit of handshaking. But Kay grabbed my forearm and pulled me towards her and kissed me gently on the cheek. She squeezed my arm as she did. My left hand returned the squeeze on her right buttock. I thought it was a foolish thing to do to be kissing each other in front of our respective partners, but then she kissed my ex-wife on the cheek. Then ET kissed my ex-wife on the cheek and everything was alright.

  Alone again with my ex-wife was an anti-climax, but she was happy to have made some friends and seemed quite excited at the thought of socialising as a couple. She talked a lot about it. She thought she and Kay had a lot in common; they were both married to businessmen, (Darren sold machines to factories). We had two kids of 5 and 3 years, they had two kids of 4 and 3 years. My ex was interested in fashion and music. Kay was interested in the same. My ex went on. According to her, she and Kay had the same sense of humour, dress sense, and even looks, despite the 8 years age difference between them.

  It was all bollocks. Kay was beautiful, my ex was ugly. Kay was slim, my ex was fat. Kay was just nice. My ex was just horrible. It made me smile to listen to my ex talking about Kay, trying her best to make them sound like identical twins. Was she totally deranged or did she alr
eady know that something was going to happen between me and Kay? Was this her way of saying to me ‘you already have everything here with me that you could ever have with Kay?’ No, on reflection, I just think she was totally fucking deranged.

  Saturday night took a long time to come around and it almost felt like a relief to see Kay again. They called for us at 8.00 pm, as arranged, so the four of us could walk into the village for a night in the local pub. Kay looked fantastic in tight jeans and a white shirt. Her hair was jet black and shiny and she smelled great. The evening carried on where we had left off earlier that week, filled with polite small talk, lots of laughter and smiles, old stories and personal histories.

  Hidden under the surface of all this and somehow interweaved in this casual social occasion, there was something dynamic happening between me and Kay. A private conversation made up of stolen glances, private smiles, secret and brief touches, body language, and the understanding of a very secret love affair carried out in a very public place. All the sexual chemistry that was pinging through the air, the overpowering electricity of attraction that was zapping between us in ever increasing voltage, was breath taking.

  I don’t think that I had ever had any doubt about whether or not Kay was feeling the same attraction that I was. I had known it from the first time our eyes met and we smiled at each other, but if there had been any doubt, that night in the pub would have melted it away. It was exciting. It was dangerous. It was a bit scary, but it was overwhelming and already it seemed inevitable.

  My ex-wife and ET got quite tipsy during the night, and laughed a lot at each other’s jokes. This suited Kay and I, and deflected any suspicion that may have otherwise arisen. It was even better when they linked arms as they staggered home, laughing and joking, walking a little way in front of me and Kay. Kay slipped her hand into mine, and I squeezed it tenderly. I wanted to hold it forever.

  “Graham, you are going to think I’m a terrible woman” she whispered with sincere apology.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “I just want to tell you that I really like you.”

  My heart went boom.

  “I really like you too.”

  “What’s going to happen?”

  “I don’t know.”

  We walked the rest of the way home in silence, and we all exchanged kisses at the gate; all except me and ET. I was going to shake his hand, but he threw his arms around me and gave me a hug. I didn’t really mind. He was drunk, and I was falling for his wife. Anyway, I had actually got to quite like him. I patted him on the back and they went into their house. We went into ours. Somehow I knew that Kay would be lying awake, thinking about me, just as I was, thinking about her.

  ET was away working during the week and only home at weekends. Kay rang me at work during the week after that first Saturday night in the village pub. After my initial surprise we spoke quickly and excitedly about meeting each other. We were both amazed to discover that neither of us had had sex with their marriage partner for years. In my case, two years. In Kay’s case, three years since the birth of her second child. We talked about how the world must be full of lonely married people, who all think that they are the only ones with an unhappy marriage. We told each other how much we liked each other and said all the sort of things that we couldn’t say in the pub the weekend before. Kay told me how ET had been her only boyfriend and that her mates had talked her into going out with him, because he kept going into the garage where she worked and asking her out. They all thought it was funny, because he was geeky and odd looking, but if nothing else, persistent.

  Kay became pregnant and they got married. She said that she had never fancied him physically, but he was a nice person and he seemed quite happy not to try and have sex with her. She hoped that one day he would find someone else and leave her. Then she would have no guilt. I listened astounded. I wondered how many married people spend their time waiting and wishing that their partner would leave them, so that they have no guilt. I was glad that I wasn’t the only one.

  I told Kay the good news. My ex-wife was going to stay with her mother in Luton the following week for five days. This was something that she did on a regular basis, very often without mentioning it to me. But this time I was looking forward to it more than ever. Kay almost squealed with delight.

  “Oh, good! Can we see each other then, one night?” she asked excitedly, like a child.

  “Yes, of course. I can’t wait. I just want to be able to kiss you.”

  “When is she going?”

  “Monday.”

  “So have we got a date on Monday night then?”

  “Yes, I’ll ring you on Monday when I get in from work.”

  We rang each other two or three times a day, every day, up until Monday. We had got to know each other quite well and a whole courtship had taken place on the phone. With living next door to each other we managed to catch sight of each other occasionally too. This was nearly always pre-planned, and made the day complete. Every day was a day closer to Monday, and Monday itself seemed like the longest day of all time. I was hoping to finish work at 5.00 p.m. Kay had managed to leave her sons with her mother, and we were going to go out for a meal somewhere. As it turned out, I couldn’t get away from work until around 9.30 pm, and I didn’t get home until 10.00 pm.

  As I walked in the house the phone was ringing.

  “Hello!”

  “Hi! It’s me.” Kay’s voice was quite sad.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Have you changed your mind?”

  “God no! I had to work late. I’ve thought of you, of us, all day. Is it too late to see you tonight?”

  “It’s too late to go out. I thought that you had changed your mind, so I’ve had a shower and got ready for bed. Do you want to come round for coffee or something?”

  “Yes, I’d love to.”

  I had a wash and a shave, splashed some aftershave on and went round. Kay opened the door to me. She had the sweetest smile I had ever seen. She was wearing a long white silk nightie, and her body was silhouetted underneath against the lights from inside the house.

  “My god! You are so beautiful” I whispered almost under my breath. We went inside and Kay made coffee and put some music on.

  A couple of lamps and the lights from a glass cabinet illuminated the room in gentle glows and every time Kay stood in front of one of the lamps I could see the perfect outline of her body, naked, underneath her white nightie. It was so sexy.

  When Kay brought the coffees in she placed them down on the table, but instead of sitting next to me on the settee, she sat down in one of the easy chairs. It seemed a strange thing to do.

  “Are you OK?” I asked.

  “I’m a bit nervous.”

  “You don’t have to be Kay. Nothing’s going to happen if you don’t want it to.”

  “I do want it to, but I’m not very experienced. I’ve only ever been with Darren, and I want to satisfy you. I’m a bit worried.”

  “You really don’t have to be.”

  She looked so innocent and vulnerable. Now I didn’t know if I wanted to protect her or make love to her.

  “I’ve never done oral sex.”

  “What!” I had heard her, but I was just shocked to hear it. “You’re kidding?”

  “No, I’ve never done it to Darren and never let him do it to me. I never fancied him that much. So just be patient with me, and don’t expect too much.”

  “Kay, don’t worry about a thing. I’m just happy to be here with you. Everything will work out just fine.”

  She seemed very genuine and, if it was all a seduction line, it was working well on me. Now I wasn’t sure who was the hunter and who was the hunted. Was she really so innocent and sexually inexperienced, or was it all some kind of role play. I decided that I wasn’t bothered eithe
r way. I was with a beautiful woman; there was a strong chemistry between us and before long we would be making love. But even more than all that, I told her I wanted to kiss her and she joined me on the settee. We kissed for a long time, gently at first, but building in waves of intensity and passion as we stroked and touched each other over our clothing. Her nightie had ridden up above her knees and the feel of her bare thigh in my hand was cool and smooth. As I slid my hand further up along her leg she dug her nails into me as she clung tighter to my arms. She sighed and gasped deep breaths and moaned them out slowly. She made fantastic noises and her body was squirming around under the touch of my fingertips. I felt empowered and my whole body seemed to be throbbing with passion, as my muscles became more tensed and I became more erect. She looked so beautiful, getting lost in sexual pleasure. Her head shot back as she stretched her slender neck as the tip of my finger gently stroked her clitoris. She sucked in short sharp breaths as if she was drowning. I felt her warm and wet on my fingers. I moved my hand away and she opened her eyes. She watched me as I sucked her juice from my fingers. She looked shocked but excited.

  “You taste fantastic” I whispered.

  I slid onto the floor and kneeled between her open legs. I pushed the nightie up over her stomach. Her body was toned and tight. A delicate wisp of black pubic hair anointed to top of her vagina. I slid my hands up along the inside of her thighs to the top and pulled her legs open wider.

  “I’m going to eat you now” I whispered.

  Her hands held into my head as I started teasing her knees with my tongue, and so, so very slowly, I worked my way up along her thighs, gently kissing, licking, and nibbling. By the time I got to her pussy I could feel her whole body shaking. I could feel her damp warmth on my face. She smelled and tasted sweet. I licked and flicked with my tongue. I could feel her body tensing and contracting. She was about to cum on my tongue. She tried to push me away, but I held firm. And then she pulled me in tight, wrapped her legs around my neck and shook in short sharp strokes. She came.